Grandma's Wig / This Will Make You Big

NOTE: This post ended up being expanded into a larger exploration of strangeness associated with Ashley's Theme over at my other blog, Back of the Cereal Box.

Will this little demon be terrorizing Smash Bros. Brawl?


Tonight's update at the Smash Bros. Brawl blog revealed that Ashley's Theme from WarioWare: Touched! will be one of the game's musical tracks — and in an up-tempo, big band reconstruction, too. Personally, I'm happy. The original tune stands out in my mind as one of the more memorable video game songs I've ever heard. And it had lyrics that didn't suck, no less! (Are you listening, DK Rap?) I somehow doubt she'll be making a playable appearance. She and the rest of the WarioWare crew will show up as Assist Trophies, if at all. Nonetheless, this post makes for an interesting one at the Brawl blog in that he refers readers to its Japanese version. There, you can hear the Japanese singer for Ashley's part — younger, sweeter and entirely less saucy.

Just because I think it's a clever little ditty, here are the lyrics to Ashley's Theme. (Ashley's parts are italicized.)

Who's the girl next door living in the haunted mansion?
You better learn my name 'cause I am Ashley!
She knows the darkest spells and she brews the meanest potions
You might be the ingredient I seek

Don't let yourself be fooled by her innocent demeanor
You should be afraid of the great Ashley!
She doesn't play with dolls, and she never combs her hair
Who has time for girly things like that?

Eye of newt, I cast a hex on you
Grandma's wig, this'll make you big
Kitten Spitz, soon your pants won't fix
Pantalones Giganticus!

Oh no, not again!

She could rule the world, and still finish all her homework
Everyone knows that I'm the greatest Ashley!
You better watch your step or she'll cast a spell on you
I turned my teacher into a spoon

I must flip through my spellbook, and yes it's true
I don't have as many friends as you.
But I think you're nice and maybe we could be friends
And if you say no, you're toast

Who's the girl next door living in the haunted mansion?
You better learn my name 'cause I am Ashley!
Just remember this when you see her on the street
I'm the cruelest girl you'll ever meet

And for the sake of comparison, here's the lyrics to the Japanese version, translated into English. (Credit goes to GameFAQs contributor Enigmapoeia and his awesome video game song lyrics guide.)

Everyone's most popular person in the world
It's all about her Ashley
Everyone turn around to see her glance
It's only natural for Ashley, that's me

Everyone has an admiration throughout the world
It's all about her Ashley!
The great Ashley's magic is so supreme!
It's a party tonight!

EnOre Bmu N — it is a laughter spell
Si O I Ra Wn — what could be that spell?
I Ed A M — I don't remember this one
Ah! It's detestable! I'm getting bored!

Everyone's most popular person in the world
It's all about her Ashley
There are no impossibilities with the great Ashley
Nothing is strong to me!

The sea of the night sky has plenty of s
I am all alone
I want to make friends with everyone
How should I be good?

Everyone's most popular person in the world
It's all about her Ashley
The great Ashley's magic is so supreme!
It's a party tonight!

Far different, but that could just be the translation. One final note and then I promise I'll never mention Ashley's Theme again. In the Japanese version, Ashley chants a spell of nonsense syllables in the third verse. If you take the individual word parts and read them backwards, they spell "Made in Wario is number one." Now there's a secret message in Ashley's Theme that actually exists!